Wiffle Brief - May 6, 2026

SMBA Wiffle Brief – May 6, 2026

Opening Day: Cold Bats, Hot Tempers, and Questionable Athleticism

After Tuesday’s rainout, the much anticipated fourth season of SMBA Wiffle Ball opened Wednesday night in the hallowed backyard grounds of Mother’s Brewery. Temperatures started chilly, then plunged into “why are we doing this outdoors?” territory as the sun began to set. Beer sales reportedly slowed once players could no longer feel their fingers.

Game One

Appealables vs. Bad News Barristers

The opening game featured a marquee matchup between the jurists of the 31st Circuit, the Appealables, and Neale Newman’s Bad News Barristers.

Pitching duties fell to His Honor Phil Fuhrman for the Appealables and Quentin Michael—formerly of the Defenders and apparently now wiffle ball’s answer to free agency—for the Barristers.

After an uneventful first inning, the second inning got the ball rolling, literally and figuratively. Nathan Rogers laced the season’s first triple, Mariana Larson scored the league’s first run, and Quentin Michael delivered the season’s first hit-by-pitch, immediately testing both the new HBP rule and the league's collegiality pledge. By inning’s end, Carrier and Lukachick had also been plunked, turning the batter’s box into a hostile work environment.

The third inning delivered the comedy highlight of the night.  Larson opened with a double, Nate Dunville launched a towering fly ball to left -  overruled by Commissioner Lukachick. Then came domestic drama at the warning track. Jud Poppen smashed a liner to center directly at Appealables outfielder—and wife—Kirsten Poppen. Judge Poppen gave it an honest effort, but the ball bounced free, and rolled away for a triple.  

The Appealables finally got on the board when Andy Hosmer tripled home the team’s lone run.

In the fourth, Barristers captain and newly minted partner Lilly Sweeney opened the inning with a sharp single and later robbed Lukachick of a hit “like a boss,” according to several completely unbiased witnesses.

Final Score

Bad News Barristers 2, Appealables 1

Umpire: Cameron Beaver

Batting Order 

Appealables

• John Lukachick
• Kirsten Poppen
• Phil Fuhrman
• Kaiti Greenwade
• Andy Hosmer
• Ron Carrier 

Bad News Barristers

• Jud Poppen
• Lily Sweeney
• Nathan Rogers
• Mariana Larson
• Nate Dunville

Game Two

Motion to Strike vs. Let Freedom Swing

Game Two featured CoxHealth and friends’ Motion to Strike against defending champs Let Freedom Swing of Twibell Pierson fame. Abby Craigmyle took the mound for Motion to Strike while Bryan Delleville handled pitching duties for the reigning champs and also apparently most of their offense.

The top of the first featured a booming triple by Bryan Wade, managing partner at Husch Blackwell and, for reasons nobody fully understands, also playing for CoxHealth.

The defending champs answered quickly. Tarek Masri came out swinging with the enthusiasm of a first-year associate trying to make partner by Labor Day. Delleville followed with two RBIs and immediately reminded the league why Let Freedom Swing entered the season wearing the crown.

The second inning included one of the prettiest defensive plays of the night when SMBA President Jason Brown¹ fielded Danielle Reid’s liner with an underhanded swirling backward scoop which was both graceful and bizarre.

From there, the champs methodically piled on runs. Brown tripled. Delleville drove in more runs. Masri chipped in another RBI. Everyone kept their cool but bystanders might have overheard murmurs of "emergency injunction" from the Motion to Strike crew.

The third inning produced no scoring but there was discussion as to whether wiffle ball counts as cardio.  (it does).

In the fourth, Danielle Reid delivered a triple RBI, but Brown and Delleville responded by doubling down with triples of their own. Charity Elmer supplied the inning’s defensive highlight with a fully committed diving-and-rolling catch attempt.  Respect.

Final Score

Let Freedom Swing 7, Motion to Strike 2

Umpire: Cameron Beaver

Batting Order

Motion to Strike

• Abby Craigmyle
• Danielle Reid
• Bryan Wade
• Charity Elmer
• Laura Vales 

Let Freedom Swing

• Bryan Delleville
• Tarek Masri
• Jason Brown

Game Three

McGlovens vs. Gideon’s Soldiers

This one moved fast—partly because the hitters were aggressive and partly because everyone wanted to go indoors near a heat source.

McGlovens jumped ahead early when Taylor White and Joseph Reid each ripped triples in the first inning, driving in two runs.

In the second inning, Scott Skocy scored the league’s first home run of the season earning his fan wielded signage “public defender by day, wiffle ball stud by night.”

McGlovens kept pouring it on in the third as White and Collin Elliot each tripled, while Reid added a single to plate three more runs.

By the fourth inning, Joseph Reid was apparently seeing beach balls at the plate, smashing two triples and driving in another run.

Despite the increasingly long odds - Gideon’s Soldiers never gave up. In the fifth, Carol Palmer dropped a strategic single right into the caution cone, proving once again that placement beats power.

Final Score

McGlovens 6, Gideon’s Soldiers 1

Umpire: Cameron Beaver

Batting Order

McGlovens

• Joseph Reid
• Taylor White
• Colin Elliot

Gideon’s Soldiers

• Darlene Villalobos
• Luke Dainty
• Nathan Beaver
• Scott Skocy
• Carol Palmer
• Chantel Kelly
• John Peacock

Game Four

Mercy Me! — DOJ Turkeys vs. Lacks Appeal

The nightcap quickly turned into less of a game and more of an uncomfortable sentencing hearing.

The DOJ Turkeys exploded out of the gate with triples from Kaylee Comer, Cameron Beaver, and Casey Clark. Randy Eggert absorbed his first hit-by-pitch of the evening.

Lacks Appeal threatened briefly in the bottom half when Allison Garrett and Winton Neal each doubled, but the rally died faster than a solo practitioner’s vacation plans.

The second inning became the Casey Clark Show. After Comer doubled and Hannah Lucas and Stephanie Wan loaded the bases, Clark uncorked a bases-clearing triple. Eggert with another HBP started to take it personally. Clark added another triple and three more RBIs because moderation is for mediation.

By the third inning, the Turkeys offense had fully entered “objection, badgering” territory. Beaver tripled. Clark tripled again. Comer added a two-RBI triple. Nearly everyone on the roster found extra bases while Judge Hamner attempted a heroic knee-slide stop on the mound that will absolutely not be forgotten despite the score.

As the cold worsened and the score ballooned, the Turkeys stayed red hot while everyone else packed up their belongings and headed to the parking lot after the third inning.  Mercy.

Final Score

DOJ Turkeys 16, Lacks Appeal 0

Umpire: Judge Carrier

Batting Order

DOJ Turkeys

• Hannah Lucas
• Stephanie Wan
• Kaylee Comer
• Cameron Beaver
• Casey Clark
• Randy Eggert 

Lacks Appeal

• Allison Garrett
• Winton Neal
• Adam Li
• Matthew Hamner

2026 Home Run Club

Game 3

• Scott Skocy — First Home Run of the 2026 Season

Early Season Notes

• Props to Mert Seaton of Lexitas for the excellent coin tossing to determine home/ away.
• Triple season is officially underway.
• Hit-by-pitch diplomacy remains unresolved.
  
• Wildcard Player/ SMBA President Jason Brown is not a terrible player
• The Commissioner has declined comment on whether beer sales correlate directly with temperature.