Wiffle Brief - May 12, 2026

May 12, 2026 Wiffle Brief

Games 5, 6 and 7

Venue: Mother's Brewery Backyard

Night two of the 2026 season was called to order on a glorious evening that required both sunscreen and bug spray — "a real outdoor situation."

Presiding was newly appointed Field Magistrate/ aka Umpire Jacey Byler, fresh off her freshman year at Drury University where she plays shortstop. Jacey is quiet, efficient, and on this field she ain't playing. Objections will be overruled. All of them.

Game Five:

POUR BUT LEGAL vs. THE BENCH WARMERS (Legal Services of Southern Missouri v. Spencer Fane LLP)

Neither of these teams has secured a single victory in three seasons of SMBA play. History, ladies and gentlemen, was about to be made - slowly, and with a lot of walks.

TOP OF THE FIRST

Clayton Ballard pitching for Pour but Legal. Doug Reynolds decisively makes his case with a triple. 2025 Home Run Derby Champ Alec Martinez is walked, a free pass the defense would come to deeply regret.  Newcomer Jake Sappington loads the bases with a single.  Reynolds scores on a HBP, because sometimes the ball hits you and justice happens. Then bam - Alden Smith closes the argument with a triple, driving in three more. Hot bench, warmers. 

BOTTOM OF THE FIRST

Martinez takes the mound for the Bench Warmers.  Pour but Legal edges in with a double from Rina. Ballard follows with a triple RBI, putting a run on the board.

TOP OF THE SECOND:

Martinez leads with a triple. Sappington line drive to Knial Piper — out.  Couple more outs, no runs

BOTTOM OF THE SECOND:

Reynolds now pitching. Piper hit by pitch, Ballard walked. Edge loads the bases — a full docket. A couple of strikeouts then Ballard hits a screaming shot right to Sappington, who ended the inning. Pour but Legal and Sad.

TOP OF THE THIRD

Ballard pitching. Martinez with a pop fly to Kellogg. Per eyewitness testimony Kellogg catches the ball "like a baby."  The inning concludes with the efficiency of a lawyer who isn’t billing by the hour.

BOTTOM OF THE THIRD — Where things get interesting:

Sappington, who arrived merely as a spectator and is now inexplicably pitching, presides over a productive inning for the Bench Warmers. Kellogg launches a triple that caromed off the ivy-covered fence. Edge is robbed of a double by Sappington's fast reflexes. Piper retaliates with a single directly into Sappington's knees, no charges were filed.  Ballard doubles with an RBI. Kellogg affably SO.  Edge walks, again, loading the bases. Piper steps to the plate and delivers a two-RBI double. Ballard adds a triple RBI. Pour but Legal and Happy to collect five runs and the lead.

TOP OF THE FOURTH

Reynolds walks, Smith doubles, Sivils walks.  Bases loaded, Martinez, takes a HBP walk and RBI. Not thrilled, but a run is a run is a run. Next up Reynolds who brings the energy only a young associate can muster launches a three-RBI triple. Smith hits a deep, promising pop to center, foiled again by Kellogg’s clutches.

BOTTOM OF THE FOURTH — Brief proceedings:

Martinez pitching. Edge thrown out past Martinez by Reynolds. Wait, what?  Piper out on a rolling grab by Sappington. Ballard hit to Sappington. Three up, three down. The tribunal thanks you for your efficiency.

TOP OF THE FIFTH — Closing arguments:

Ballard pitching. Martinez with a dramatic double (you had to be there) with Rina doing her best but couldn’t Edge him out. Sappington delivers what appears to be an effortless RBI triple…. from the guy here "just to watch." Doug "don't walk me, dude" Reynolds with a vindicating RBI triple. Sivils hits a pop caught by Ballard. The persecution rests.

BOTTOM OF THE FIFTH

Kellogg makes a case for an extra pitch but strikes out. Edge pop to Sappington, who has now racked a Gold Glove, MVP and first win league win for the Bench Warmers, all on a night he planned to sit in the stands.

VERDICT:  Bench Warmers 10, Pour But Legal 6

Pour but Legal Batting Order

• Rina Edge
• Clayton Ballard
• Knial Piper
• Steve Kellogg

Bench Warmers Batting Order

• Doug Reynolds
• Alden Smith
• Henry Sivils
• Alec Martinez
• Jake Sappington

Game Six

THE DRAGONSLAYERS vs. PRIOR AND PERSISTENT (Greene County Prosecutor's Office v. Criminal Defense Cohort)

The prosecutors came to slay dragons. The defense attorneys came because they always show up and never stop arguing.

FIRST THREE INNINGS

Summarized: a few hits, notably by Brian Risley and Sheri Tucker. Nothing getting past Brady Musgrave on the field (cheer up, dude.)  Lots of activity, few favorable outcomes.

TOP OF THE FOURTH:

Josh Harrell triples despite Risley sacrificing his knees to make the out — an act of physical jurisimprudence. Ethan Auten triples, Spencer Paige doubles. Risley dives to catch/ out Patterson. Tucker doubles with an RBI. Ciera Burns ditto with a double RBI. The Dragonslayers were chalking multiple counts.  Five to be exact. 

BOTTOM OF THE FOURTH:

Risley hit by pitch and walks. The rest of the batting order gets their turn then Risley triples for two RBIs. The defense was persistent — as advertised. In case you lost count, score is now five to two.

TOP OF THE FIFTH:

Katelyn Frazier triples for two RBIs. The rest of the prosecution rests.

BOTTOM OF THE FIFTH:

Risley triples into the dense shrubbery — a ball lost in the undergrowth, is this a metaphor for certain motions?

VERDICT:  Dragonslayers 7, Prior and Persistent 2

Dragonslayers Batting Order

• Spencer Paige
• Dan Patterson
• Sheri Tucker
• Katelynn Frazier
• Ciera Burns
• Joshua Harrel

Prior and Persistent Batting Order

• Brady Musgrave
• Kristin Jones
• Brian Risley
• Stacie Bilyeu

Game Seven:  

BARBARIANS vs. COURT JESTERS (Lowther Johnson v. Carnahan Evans)

Game delay while one or more Court Jesters are retrieved from the beer line.

TOP OF THE FIRST:

Preston Harmon opens with a triple RBI. Groves (Adali) follows immediately with a triple RBI. The BARbarians filed two counts in rapid succession. Both landed.

BOTTOM OF THE FIRST:

Kenny Beck pitching for the BARbarians. Andy Peebles grudgingly takes HBP walk. David Olive follows with a power line drive directly to Scharf.  Out.  Other stuff happened but is lost to history.

TOP OF THE SECOND:

Beck — broken toe and all — hits a triple. Harmon singles. Groves (A.)  with a two-RBI triple, Groves (McKinley) walks.

BOTTOM OF THE SECOND:

New recruit Clayton Campbell hit by pitch single. Beck pitching to Peebles so hard it broke the backdrop and paused the game.  Does anyone want to represent a property damage claim? Brett Hodges hits but foiled by Beck hustle.

TOP OF THE THIRD:

Olive pitching.  Groves (A.) with a picturesque pop to Campbell/ out. Scharf hit ricochets off the sawhorse — one of those shots that only happens here -  one-handed catch by Olive, who apparently has a potential as a wiffle-acrobat if this law thing doesn’t work out.

BOTTOM OF THE THIRD:

Beck pitching so aggressively he nails the can of bug spray at the commissioner’s desk. Jay Preston retaliates with hit toward Beck who goes for the diving catch/ out.  Campbell strikes out – wait – did he even swing at anything?   Peebles tries to redeem but this inning just needs to wrap up.

TOP OF THE FOURTH:

Beck hits a pop to deep left to Hodges/ out.  Harmon triples.  Groves (A.) lines one to Hodges and another out. Scharf doubles. Groves (M.) singles. Bases loaded, Beck pops to Peebles and out.  So much for sympathy for the guy with the broken toe.

BOTTOM OF THE FOURTH:

Olive with a line drive to Scharf — out. Hodges out. Preston triples. Campbell redeems with a triple RBI.  Jesters rack their first run of the game.  Hope is not lost.

FIFTH AND FINAL INNING. 

Noted in the official record for the brief appearance of a tutu clad toddler princess on the field.  Can’t top that and don’t even want to.

VERDICT: BARbarians 4, Court Jesters 1

Let the record reflect that BARbarian captain Kenny Beck pitched and played the entire game with a broken toe housed in a boot/shoe hybrid. Something approaching wiffleball superhero status.  Unofficially award the honor of Unreasonable Toughness.  Respect.

Court Jesters Batting Order

• Andy Peebles
• David Olive
• Brett Hodges
• Jay Preston
• Clayton Campbell

BARbarians Batting Order

• Kevin Scharf
• McKinley Groves
• Kenny Beck
• Kyle Harmon
• Adlai Groves