Wiffle Brief - June 2, 2026

SMBA Wiffle Brief - May  26, 2026

May 20, 2026

Games 13, 14, 15 and 16 of the 2026 SMBA Wiffle Ball Season

NIGHT FOUR: THE DOCKET IS FULL, THE BALLS ARE GONE

Night four of the 2026 season is called to order at 5:30 at Mother’s Brewery Backyard. Docket entries note four games, thirteen home runs and one score board rendered inadmissible by drizzle (it is called "dry" erase for a reason).  Weather related continuance denied.  Scoreboard malfunction may or may not constitute suppression of evidence.

Special commendation to Cameron Beaver for serving as relief umpire, team captain, pitcher, and home run hitter for the Turkeys. A five-tool player. A true friend of the court, and field.

----------------------------------------------------------------

GAME 13 - BAD NEWS BARRISTERS v. LET FREEDOM SWING (Neale Newman v. Twibell Pierson)

Umpire: Cameron Beaver

The Barristers take the field with ten players. Let Freedom Swing counters with four. The math is not favorable, but the law is the great equalizer, right?

LET FREEDOM SWING BATTING ORDER: Scott Pierson, Cole Roberts, Bryan Delleville, Tarek Masri

BAD NEWS BARRISTERS BATTING ORDER: Carson Fink, Mariana Larson, Quentin Michael, Cecilia Bailey, Jud Poppen, Lilly Sweeney, Nathan Rogers, Nate Dunville, Marly Gourley, Tabitha Crane

TOP OF THE FIRST -- Let Freedom Swing's offense opens with a walk, another walk, and then Masri drives in runs like he's billing by the hit. Pierson doubles for two more RBI. Roberts reaches third via the overgrowth -- unofficial ground rules territory that is as legally ambiguous as it sounds. Delleville adds a single RBI before Masri is finally retired on a grounder to Rogers. It is, by any measure, a productive first half-inning for Let Freedom Swing.

BOTTOM OF THE FIRST -- Delleville pitching. Fink walks. Michael doubles. Bailey singles and drives in a run. The Barristers are on the board. Inning closes with Let Freedom Swing (5) to Barristers (1)

TOP OF THE SECOND -- Roberts walks to lead off.  Masri triples off Poppen's hands. Pierson follows with a triple of his own, and Roberts later doubles in another run despite Poppen's best efforts. Let Freedom Swing continues to rack runs.

BOTTOM OF THE SECOND -- Delleville keeps pitching. Rogers strikes out. Dunville powers a pop that sends Roberts airborne for the catch. Gourley strikes out. Three up, three down. Efficient.

TOP OF THE THIRD -- Michael pitching. Pierson's pop-up is cradle-caught in the crook of Michael’s arm.  Which was already cradling a couple of other balls.  Wait, what? Roberts walks. Delleville fouls one into the tree in left field. Foul balls rarely make the recap, but this one had dramatic flair. Masri grounds to Poppen. Pierson takes a HBP. Roberts then triples, driving in three. An inning of modest Barrister resistance.

BOTTOM OF THE THIRD -- Crane is up and out. Fink -- who is taking a study break from bar prep to play wiffle ball, which is either brave or inadvisable -- grounds to Delleville and out. Larson triples. Michael takes a HBP. Bailey grounds to Roberts and out. The Barristers leave runners stranded, which is a recurring theme.

TOP OF THE FOURTH -- Michael pitching. The fourth inning becomes a home run derby. Masri triples. Pierson launches a decisive two-run homer over the right field fence. Roberts triples. Delleville walks. Masri then unloads a three-RBI home run. Pierson adds another. The balls are leaving the field so fast you might think Michael was playing for Let Freedom Swing. Roberts pockets a triple deep in center. Delleville adds another deep triple for an RBI. Masri and Pierson both strike out -- even the best lose one occasionally. Roberts then rockets one deep to center, where Poppen manages a redemptive snag/ one-handed out.

BOTTOM OF THE FOURTH -- Poppen hits to Roberts, who is covering the outfield like a new associate on the traffic docket -- thoroughly and everywhere. Out. Sweeney out. Rogers powers one into the right field overgrowth. Roberts sprints, dives face first into the shrubbery in a valiant, alarming and ultimately failed catch attempt. Rogers takes the triple. The Barristers, scoreless for three innings, are now subject to the arbitrarily applied mercy rule.

FINAL SCORE: LET FREEDOM SWING 18, BAD NEWS BARRISTERS 1

Both teams conduct themselves with affability -- a finding that is not always achievable in adversarial proceedings. Commendation to all.

----------------------------------------------------------------

GAME 14

McGLOVENS v. DOJ TURKEYS (Kutak v. DOJ)

Umpire: Ty Harden

McGLOVENS BATTING ORDER: Joseph Reid, Taylor White, Colin Elliott

DOJ TURKEYS BATTING ORDER: Hannah Lucas, Kaylee Comer, Cameron Beaver, Casey Clark, Randy Eggert

Fun from the first pitch.

TOP OF THE FIRST -- Beaver takes the mound for the Turkeys. Reid leads with a triple. White then lofts a home run over the center field fence that causes actual gasps from those in attendance. Elliott triples. White, not satisfied, embeds one so irretrievably deep in the overgrowth that it is ruled a home run by necessity and fear of poison ivy. Elliott hits a solid shot to center but Clark shuts it down with the catch out. McGlovens take an early commanding position with four runs.

BOTTOM OF THE FIRST -- Reid pitching. Lucas takes a HBP. Comer is caught out by Elliott. Beaver then delivers what the reporter can only characterize as a possibly retaliatory home run over the right field fence -- two RBI, no comment. Clark grounds to Reid and out. Turkeys on the board with two runs.

TOP OF THE SECOND -- Beaver pitching. White triples. Elliott triples. Reid triples. White then hits his third home run of the night -- two more runs, and the wiffle ball census diminishes by the inning. Reid pops to the pitcher. Beaver demonstrates admirable agility with a run around the sawhorse for the out. White tries a change of pace and grounds to Eggert. Out. Even the best hitters in the room cannot homer on every at-bat.

BOTTOM OF THE SECOND -- Reid pitching. Lucas, Comer, and Beaver go out in order. Three up, three down.

TOP OF THE THIRD -- Clark pitching. Elliott triples to deep center. Reid takes a HBP. White walks. Bases loaded. Elliott is hit again -- RBI, bases still loaded. Reid hits to far right where Clark hustles and snags it on the bounce. White walks for another RBI. Elliott is hit yet again -- another RBI. The McGlovens are relentless. Four more runs score. No drama, no b.s.  Notice is taken.

BOTTOM OF THE THIRD -  The gentle but persistent drizzle renders the dry erase board inoperable. Evidence that this half inning occurred is therefore suppressed.

TOP OF THE FOURTH -- White deflects a hit off of Beaver's foot for a single. Reid follows with a two-run homer. White triples. The McGlovens are simultaneously cool and on fire.

BOTTOM OF THE FOURTH -- Further equipment failure. Motion for all weather scoreboard option. Under advisement.

TOP OF THE FIFTH -- Reid hits -- again testing Beaver's agility, who passes the test. Out. White smacks one into the shrub, and Comer claims the catch in a ruling that is controversial but stands up. These teams, let the record reflect, are refreshingly reasonable.

BOTTOM OF THE FIFTH -- Eggert grounds to Elliott and out. Lucas singles. Comer triples for an RBI. Beaver, launches another home run for two more RBI. Lucas singles again. The Turkeys post their best inning of the night with three runs but the deficit is substantial.

FINAL SCORE: McGLOVENS 14, DOJ TURKEYS 5

Lots of action, limited trash talk. Fun was had by all parties. A delightful game proving that adversarial proceedings do not have to be unpleasant.

----------------------------------------------------------------

GAME 15

BENCHWARMERS v. DRAGONSLAYERS (Spencer Fane v. GC Prosecutors)

Umpire: Cameron Beaver

BENCHWARMERS BATTING ORDER: Doug Reynolds, Alden Smith, Alec Martinez, Jake Sappington, Kenzie Hatman

DRAGONSLAYERS BATTING ORDER: Spencer Paige, Katelynn Frazier, Dan Patterson, Sheri Tucker, Ethan Auten, Danielle Pitera, Justin Albright, Jacob Carrow, Chris Lebeck

This game will be remembered for two things: unpleasant oral argument on the part of the Dragonslayers.  OBJECTIONS WILL BE OVERRULED, and the Benchwarmers' refusing dozens of hit-by-pitch walks with the stubborn persistence usually reserved for pro se litigants.

TOP OF THE FIRST -- Patterson pitching. Reynolds leads off and immediately launches a home run. Smith triples. Then 2025 Home Run Derby Champion Alec Martinez steps in and, true to form, deposits a two-run homer into private property. Hatman provides the first strikeout of the evening -- even champions need a breather. Sappington triples. Reynolds fires another triple through the gap for an RBI. Then Martinez gets beaned. Then another to the body. Then a third. He declines the walk each time, apparently viewing the HBP as an invitation to negotiate rather than a ruling. He finally makes contact and is caught out. The Benchwarmers take the hill.

BOTTOM OF THE FIRST -- Martinez pitching. Paige is caught out by Smith. Frazier is caught out by Smith. Patterson doubles. Tucker is caught out by Sappington. Three of the four Dragonslayers are ruled out on the spot. Efficient defense.

TOP OF THE SECOND -- Patterson pitching. Hatman out. Sappington out. Reynolds powers a very high pop that causes confusion in the outfield -- a double. Smith doubles with an RBI. Hatman triples off the sawhorse for two RBI. And this is the moment that everything devolves into chaos. Heated one-sided oral argument directed at the umpire from the fielding team.  Overruled.  More argument follows. Stop. Talking.  The reporter is distracted with all the jabbering and notes only that the inning eventually ends. 

BOTTOM OF THE SECOND -- Auten lines a solid hit to right field, caught by Hatman. Out. Pitera to Martinez and out. Albright to right, Reynolds out. Quick and clean defense, no runs.

TOP OF THE THIRD -- Reynolds triples. Smith hits to Patterson who slips, slides, and still makes the catch. The crowd -- which for once is watching every play -- applauds. Martinez triples for an RBI. Hatman hits one that gets past Patterson, only to be caught out by Albright. The Benchwarmers continue to pile up runs.

BOTTOM OF THE THIRD -- Carrow pops to Hatman and out. Lebeck grounds to Reynolds and out. Paige up and out. Three up, three down. The Dragonslayers are being shut out in both senses of the word.

TOP OF THE FOURTH -- Reynolds doubles. Smith is caught out. Martinez grounds to Carrow and out. Hatman grounds to Patterson and out. A quiet inning by Benchwarmers standards.

BOTTOM OF THE FOURTH -- Frazier out. Patterson blazes an uncatchable triple to left – Boss move. Tucker out. Auten out. Still no runs for the Dragonslayers but they remain remarkably determined.

TOP OF THE FIFTH -- Sappington triples. Reynolds triples for an RBI and a bat drop. Smith triples deep into center for an RBI. Martinez lofts one over the fence into private property -- two RBI. Hatman singles. Sappington triples for an RBI. Reynolds triples again for another RBI. Smith singles for an RBI. Martinez is finally retired. Sappington triples again. Reynolds caps the inning with a two-run home run. Smith closes it out.

BOTTOM OF THE FIFTH -- Pitera to Reynolds and out. Albright out. Carrow to Hatman and caught out. Three up, three down. Game over.  Everyone is encouraged to go get a beer and a better attitude.

FINAL SCORE: BENCHWARMERS 17, DRAGONSLAYERS 0

----------------------------------------------------------------

GAME 16 BARbarians v. USUAL SUSPECTS (Lowther Johnson v. Crim Defense Pals)

Umpire: Cameron Beaver

BARbarians BATTING ORDER: David Fielder, Kyle Harmon, Kenny Beck, Austin Fax, Jacob Haskins

USUAL SUSPECTS BATTING ORDER: Ty Harden, Sara Meier, Ben Stringer

TOP OF THE FIRST -- Stringer pitching. Three up, three down. The BARbarians are retired in order. A quiet opening that gives no indication of what is to follow.

BOTTOM OF THE FIRST -- Meier to Beck and out. Harden blazes a hit to Harmon so hard that Harmon's hand may still be stinging.  Worth it. Stringer walks. Meier singles to Beck. Harden singles. Bases loaded. Stringer takes a HBP, walking in a run. Meier hits to Beck and out. The Usual Suspects put a run on the board.

TOP OF THE SECOND -- Fax rips a triple to left. Haskins is caught out. Fielder triples to Harden and out. Harmon hits to Harden for an acrobatic sliding catch. Out. Harden is everywhere.

BOTTOM OF THE SECOND -- Beck pitching. Harden triples. Stringer walks. Meier doubles for an RBI. Harden takes a HBP. Bases loaded. The game pauses: Beck's pitches have broken the backdrop. Repairs made. Order is restored. Meier hits to Haskins and out.

TOP OF THE THIRD -- Stringer pitching. Beck pops a triple. Fax triples for an RBI. Haskins pops -- Harden runs from the other end of the outfield to make the play. Out. Fielder pops -- Harden slides on one knee for another catch. Out. Harden is covering the outfield with the energy of a solo practitioner with no staff.

BOTTOM OF THE THIRD -- Meier out. Harden singles. Stringer triples for an RBI. Meier to Harmon and out. Harden triples for another RBI. Stringer to Fielder and out.

TOP OF THE FOURTH -- Beck fires one to left. Finally, one gets past Harden. Triple. Fax to Stringer and out. Haskins to Harden and out.

BOTTOM OF THE FOURTH -- Meier to Fax and out. Harden triples. Stringer triples for an RBI -- this one requires excavation from the shrubbery. Meier to Fax and out. Harden takes a HBP. Beck's pitching breaks the backdrop again. Stringer walks. Meier to Fax and out.

TOP OF THE FIFTH -- Harmon triples. Beck triples for an RBI. Fax takes a HBP. Fielder hits to Harden who slides for the catch. Out. The BARbarians add a run but cannot close the gap.

FINAL SCORE: USUAL SUSPECTS 5, BARbarians 1

A much more interesting and evenly matched game than the score reflects. The Usual Suspects -- operating at a three-to-five personnel disadvantage -- win on grit, hustle, and Harden's acrobatic outfield coverage. The BARbarians fight hard but cannot break through. Both teams are commended for competence and collegiality.

HOME RUN CLUB LINK