Wiffle Brief - June 2, 2026

SMBA Wiffle Brief June 2, 2026

Night Five of the 2026 Season

Games 17–20

Finally — some seasonable weather. Warm, sunny skies with just enough wind to send a few balls sailing over the fence. The night opens with a pair of high-scoring blowouts, then shifts gears into a couple of nail-biters that save their best moments for extra innings.  Interspersed throughout there will be pelted players refusing to take a base and pelted teams refusing mercy rulings.  Tenacious teams would be one way of putting it.  Grab a seat.

Game 17 

Dragonslayers v Gideon’s Soldiers (Prosecutors v. Public Defenders)

Gideon’s Soldiers Batting Order

Blake Burchard

Benjamin Burlie

Luke Dainty

Daniel Newell

Sam Reed

Scott Skocy

Dragonslayers Batting Order

Sheri Tucker

Dan Patterson

Katelynn Frazier

Chris Lebeck

Danielle Pitera

Josh Harrel

Jake Carrow

Justin Albright

Ethan Auten

Top of the first, Dan Patterson takes the hill for the Dragonslayers. Burlie and Dainty both take hits by pitch, Newell walks then Reed plates three runners with a triple. Skocy adds a pop single. Burlie smacks one to left field, intercepted by Pitera with a rolling catch and he’s out.  Gideon's Soldiers are up 3-0.

Bottom of the first

Dainty pitching – Three up, three out.

Top of the second

Dainty with the first HOME RUN of the night and Soldiers are officially in the zone. Newell triples, Buchard doubles and Burlie triples with two-runs in. Reed tries bunting but is caught out by Patterson. Dainty rips one into the chain link so hard it still might be vibrating.  Newell slams one to left field. Caught out by Tucker.

Bottom of the second

Details are lost to history. Score: Gideon’s Soldiers 7, Dragonslayers 0

Top of the third

Patterson Pitching.  Dragonslayers discover their defense. Reed fires one to Patterson – out.  Skocy with another pop, this time to Tucker. He’s out. Buchard aims one to center.  Frazier is waiting – and he’s out.

Bottom of the third

Dainty pitching. Up first is Carrow, who is taking a study break from bar exam prep. He strikes out but does so while sending the bat airborne. Keep that energy up – only six weeks to go!   Albright follows with a solid hit – caught out by Buchard.  Tucker next up, with one of those tricky hard to catch scramble singles, intercepted by Dainty.   

Top of the fourth- in which things get a lot more lopsided. 

Gideon's Soldiers start swinging for the fences and finding them. Burlie with HIS FIRST HOMER OF THE SEASON.  Then Dainty with his SECOND HOMERUN IN THE GAME — something in the air tonight. Reed triples, Skocy triples, Buchard triples, and with bases loaded Newell drives another one in.  Was this an inning or an obliteration?   Eight runs scored

Bottom of the fourth.  Burlie called in as relief pitcher, proves worthy with three up three outs. The score is now Gideon’s Soldiers 8, Dragonslayers 0

Top of the fifth

Dainty takes a base, hit by pitch. Newell knocks one to Patterson – and out. Skocy is up and fouls way over the fence then plants the next pitch for a two-run home run. Patterson makes a diving catch to retire Reed, a defensive highlight of the night, but it barely registers in the final math. Burlie to Albright for the out.  Soldiers increase their lead by 2 runs.

Bottom of the fifth

Lest you think ANYONE, EVER gives up in SMBA Wiffle Ball. The Dragonslayers, dedicated to the end, get their only run in the final half of the final inning: Harrell singles, Carrow brings that anxious bar prep energy and triples him in, and that's the ballgame.

Four home runs for Gideon's Soldiers, 17 runs total, and a final score that loquiturs for itself.

Final Score: Gideon's Soldiers 17, Dragonslayers 1

Game 18

DOJ Turkeys v Pour but Legal (DOJ v. Legal Services)

Turkeys’ Batting Order

Hannah Lucas

Kaylee Comer

Cameron Beaver

Casey Clark

Randy Eggert

Stephanie Wan

Pour’s Batting Order

Jill Patterson

Clayton Ballard

Rina Edge

Steve Kellogg

Amanda Pearl

Top of first

Ballard pitching. Lucas hits one to left, Pearl catches and out.  Teammate Comer takes a hit by pitch. Beaver walks.  So far, understated start of the game.  Then Clark steps up and slams A THREE RUN HOMER. Eggert hits to left, Pearl catches for the out. 

Bottom of the first

Beaver pitching. Patterson at bat with one of those crafty bunts - impossible to catch. Beaver defies the odds, navigates the sawhorse obstacle and snags it.  Ballard is next up with a line drive. It jets past Beaver then jets past Clark and final to Lucas who catches for the out. Edge smacks one to Beaver and out.

Top of second

Ballard pitching.  Beaver walks.  Eggert bats him in with a triple. Other stuff happens but it isn’t very interesting.

Bottom of the second

Beaver pitching. Kellogg at bat. Kellogg is an intermittently powerful hitter – this is not reflected in any stats to date.  This time it’s a grounder to Clark – he’s out.  Pearl walks, Patterson walks. Ballard with a ground out to Beaver. Rina is Edged out.  That’s the inning.

Top of the third

First up Beaver and he ROCKETS a hit to right field WAY over the chain link fence for a HOME RUN.  Inspired, Clark and Lucas each follow with doubles.  Comer fires a hit toward the pitcher and Ballard shuts her down.  Next up – Beaver.  With two on base, can he do it again?  Field is uncharacteristically quiet with anticipation.  AND HE DOES! Beaver launches a HOME RUN up and over the forementioned boundary. Three more runs for the team.  Clark up next with a triple. Eggert follows with a grounder to Kellogg and out.

Bottom of the third

Beaver pitching. Three up, three out.  Bam, bam, bam.  That’s some five tool player action right there.  If you’ve lost track – the score is now Turkeys 8, Pour nada.

Top of the fourth

Ballard pitching. Comer takes a hit to the shoulder, keeps batting. Macho move, not always a smart move. Works out. Comer lands a triple. Beaver hits a double then Clark with one of those tricky triples through the sawhorse.  Two runs plated. Next up -  Eggert with a double. Then Comer hits one to Edge who does this fascinatingly slo mo catch attempt.  You had to be there. Safe. Triple, 2RBI for Comer with props to Edge for the drama. Next up Beaver.  All eyes on the batter and HE DOES IT AGAIN!  HOME RUN.  If you lost count that is home run number four for Beaver tonight. Two runs tallied this time.  Clark punctuates with triple then Eggert gets a line drive past Ballard but Patterson intercepts for the out.  Six. More. Runs. For the turkeys.

Bottom of fourth

Beaver pitching. Edge with a respectable pop. Clark catches for the out.  Kellogg follows with a very exciting high pop fly into the tree in left field – Teammates elated - celebration premature.  Meanwhile Clark is under the tree patiently watching the ball plinko through the branches … and he grabs it! Out. Controversy ensues.  Refer to longstanding LOCAL WIFFLE BALL RULES SECTION ENTITLED: CLEAN CATCHES OUT OF THE TREE. “Clean catches out of tree, if caught before hitting the ground are OUT.”  Nonetheless. Very exciting play. Technically difficult catch. Fully upheld ruling.

Top of fifth

Ballard pitching. Lucas with a line drive to Kellogg for the out. Comer to Ballard and out.

Beaver walks. Clark with a wind assisted hit to center which flies like a kite over the furthest point in the field for a BREATHTAKING HOME RUN.  Two more runs. Eggert and Lucas each follow with doubles.  Comer walks. Bases loaded. Beaver at bat. Smacks one hard to left, Edge shuts him down for the out.  Two more runs for the Turkeys.

Bottom of the fifth

Three up, three out. Ballgame. 

Pour but Legal finishes the night with a goose egg and the Turkeys post the second 16-plus-run game of the evening. 

Final Score: DOJ Turkeys 16, Pour but Legal 0

Game 19

BARbarians v Appealables  (Lowther Johnson v 31st Circuit Judges)

BARbarians Batting Order

Jacob Haskins

Austin Fax

Kenny Beck

Kevin Scharf

Kyle Harmon

Appealables Batting Order

Margaret Palmietto

Josh Christensen

Andy Hosmer

Kaiti Greenwade

Phil Fuhrman

John Lukachick

Kirsten Poppen

Ron Carrier

Top of the first

Fuhrman pitching for the Appealables. First up for the BARbarians - Haskins smacks one into left field triple territory where Hosmer appears to not be paying attention yet still manages the out. Next up, BARbarians Captain Beck with a triple, plating a run.  Scharf up next with a ground out to Fuhrman, then Harmon ground out to Luckachick. 

Bottom of the first

Beck pitching for the BARbarians. First up, Palmietto with a single. Next, Christensen and a double.  Will Greenwade follow the pattern with a triple?  Harmon, in left field says no (respectfully, your honor) with the catch out.  Fuhrman follows with a triple and 2 RBI.  Inning ends with BARbarians 1, Appealables 3

Top of the second

Haskins gets a single.  Fax hits one to Christensen and he’s out.  Beck, next, with a triple and run scored. Sharf line drives to Greenwade and out.  Harmon follows with a HOME RUN and two more runs! Haskins pop out. 

Bottom of the second

Beck Pitching. Poppen gets a single. Palmietto hits to Sharf for the out. Christensen takes a hit by pitch.  Hosmer saunters to the plate and hits one over the picnickers but its foul.  No injuries to people, place or potato salad reported. Inning ends with BARbarians holding a one run lead – BARbarians 4, Appealables 3

Top of the third

Fuhrman pitching.  Fax hits to Fuhrman for the knee sacrificing out. Beck power pops to Lukachick and he’s out.  Scharf takes an apparently walloping hit by pitch resulting in a fall to his knees in dramatic agony.  Tears might have been faked.  Medics not called. Harmon next with a single then Haskins to Myers for the out.

Bottom of third

Beck pitching for the BARbarians. Greenwade fires one to left field. Scharf, miraculously recovered, LEAPS to catch for the out.  Furhman smashes one straight to Beck for the out.  Inning ends with no runs added. 

Top of fourth

Game notes sketchy but Harmon manages a triple and bats one of his teammates in.

Bottom of the fourth

Three up, three out.  Inning ends with BARbarians creeping ahead: BARbarians 5, Appealables 3. 

Top of fifth

First up Fax with a line drive to Poppen and he’s out. Beck walks. Scharf hits one to Furhman and he’s out. Harmon out.  Is it just me or is this game getting a little sad and boring?  Did I just say that out loud?

Bottom of the fifth

Christensen up first with a single. Hosmer at bat.  Apparently overheard “boring.”  Lands a triple sending Christensen across the plate.  GAME TIED!  Will his teammates close it out with one more run? Greenwade out. Fuhrman out. Lukachick double. Poppen out.  WE ARE NOW IN EXTRA INNINGS.  How’s that for not boring.

Top of the sixth

Fuhrman pitching. Haskins powers a hit to Hosmer and he’s out.  Fax follows with a double causing chaos in the outfield. Disorder in the court! Beck to Lukachick and out. Sharf to Christensen and out. Score still tied.

Bottom of the sixth

Beck pitching. Carrier at bat.  Is taunted by his own teammate.  Strikes out. Christensen walks. Will this game ever be over? Hosmer fouls. And then, seemingly out of nowhere -  BAM! HOSMER DELIVERS THE HIT, THE WIN AND THE MOMENT WITH THE MOST EXCITING PLAY IN WIFFLE BALL.  THE WALK OFF HOME RUN.  That was a fun.

Final Score BARbarians 5, Appealables 6

Game 20

Bad News Barristers v Court Jesters (Neale Newman v Carnahan Evans)

Bad News Barristers Batting Order

Mariana Larson

Jud Poppen

Marly Gourley

Cecilia Bailey

Kaitlin Knetzke

Lilly Sweeny

Nate Dunville

Court Jesters Batting Order

Brett Hodges

Andy Peebles

Jay Preston

Top of the first

Peebles pitching, Larson to Preston and out. Poppen takes multiple hits to the person then walks. Bailey gets a single

Bottom of the first

Dunville pitching. Hodges walks. Peebles to Knetzke with a hop, catch, and out.  Two more outs.

Top of the second

Peebles pitching.  Dunville at bat.  Is Peebles AIMING for him?  First, Dunville ducks to avoid a bean ball, then takes several body, one actually ball to balls.  Will. Not. Surrender.  Refuses every hit by pitch opportunity.  FINALLY, Dunville hits a triple.  Hope that was worth it.  Larson follow with a triple and run scored. Poppen pops to Hodges and is out. Gourley line drives to Preston. Out. Etc. 

Bottom of second

Dunville pitching. Peebles to Larson for the out. Preston out. Hodges with a single. Peebles out.  Blah blah blah.  Inning ends with Barristers “winning” one to zero.

Top of third

First up, Knetzke lends some excitement with a pop to left.  Hodges catches for the out. Sweeney avoids injury with a dramatic brush back.  Dunville hits to left, Hodges catches for the out.

Bottom of third

Preston hits a double. Hodges hits to Dunville for the out. Peebles out. Preston out.  Ok people.  Are you actually trying here? Score still 1, zip.

Top of fourth

Larson to hits to Preston for the out. Poppen hits a triple. Gourley to Peebles and out.  And so on.

Bottom of fourth

Dunville pitching. Hodges gets a triple. Peebles out. Preston out. Hodges to Knetzke with the ONLY EXCITEMENT FOR THE INNING when summer associate KNETZKE DIVES FOR THE CATCH OUT!

Top of the fifth

Knetzke with a single. Sweeney hits to Peebles, out. Dunville swinging at absolute shit pitches strikes out.  Note.  Strike outs are rarely reported in the wiffle brief which strives for fun, not accuracy.  But this one was earned.  Next up Larson who blasts one way out in left to the fence – but nothing is getting past Hodges tonight and she’s out.

Bottom of fifth

Dunville pitching. Peebles walk. Preston out. Hodges out. Peebles with a triple and in that fun and fascinating manner, unique to no-running wiffle ball,  bats himself in.  AND WE HAVE A TIE GAME.  Will the Jesters put this one to rest.  Preston is next up and he apparently wants to keep playing because he is out and we are in EXTRA INNINGS.

Top of the sixth

Poppen smacks one to Hodges for the out. Summer Associate Gourley gets a single that ricochets off her wrist.  Whatever works. Bailey to Peebles and out. Knetzke, hitting her stride, rockets one into left, looks like it could be, it might be, is it….  Ball plinkos out of the tree and who is waiting to cradle it in his arms?  You guessed it.  Hodges.  She’s out. 

Bottom of the sixth

Hodges to Dunville and he’s out. Peebles to Knetzke who dives for the catch and out. Preston out. Hodges walks. Peebles out. Score is still tied.  One to one. 

Top of the seventh

Peebles pitching as the dark of night begins to set in over the field.  First up, Barristers Captain Sweeney to Hodges and she’s out. Dunville to Hodges and… yeah.  He’s out.

Here’s a suggestion.  Stop hitting to Hodges. Larson gets a double but her teammates leave her stranded.  Petition to end this game soon filed by the reporter.

Bottom of the seventh

Preston files response with a triple into the tree. Hodges hits one toward Dunville who has to run around the sawhorse for the catch and out. That looked painful. Peebles at bat.  Man on third.  Will he be able to seal this one?  Please.  Seriously.  PRAYERS ANSWERED. HE DOES IT.  PEEBLES WITH THE SECOND MOST EXCITING PLAY IN WIFFLE BALL, A WALK OFF TRIPLE, PLATING A RUN. 

And thus ends a remarkably long and low scoring game with barely enough light to pack up the equipment.  But hey, a win’s a win.  Jesters advance to the quarterfinals.

Final Score: Jesters 2, Barristers 1